‘The River’ Could End Up Being Great Serial Fun

ABC’s newest mid-season serial drama The River could manage to entertain audiences who long for a nice season long story arc. The show takes place on a magical river somewhere in the Amazon. The characters in the show travel by boat in search for a lost adventurer who is sort of like an American version of Jacques Cousteau named Dr. Emmet Cole. In the pilot episode Dr. Cole’s son and wife (accompanied by a film crew of course) head out on a journey to find the lost explorer but end up finding magic. This sounds idiotic on many levels as a premise for a television series, at least one that could entertain most avid television viewers, but the lost footage style that the show is filmed in along with the new mystery of the week structure of the series creates a nice precedent.

Sure a lot of films are made these days in the “lost footage” style and other than a few exceptions such as Cloverfield and Paranormal Activity films in this style are often quite shitty. It has been a while since this style has been employed for a television series, especially one that is of the mysterious persuasion. The very short lived series called FreakyLinks comes to mind when talking about The River. It too was a show shot with handheld cameras and revolved around a team of investigators who looked into freaky incidents. It failed miserably and was canceled very soon after it premiered back in 2000. FreakyLinks wasn’t a very good show and from what we saw in the first two episodes of The River neither is it. But the saving grace of The River may be in the structure of the series and not in the quality of the acting or originality of the stories. You see, it looks like in every episode the crew of the Magus will encounter some supernatural force to overcome, either by solving some riddle or burning some bones or some bullshit like that, in a new way in each episode. That sounds a lot like the CW’s Supernatural and people like that show and its format. So when you combine a successful format like the one used in Supernatural along with a very trendy filming style like that of Paranormal Activity you get The River which will most likely not be as good as either.

But who knows, the crew of the Magus might bring its viewers lots of joy, even if the joy is derived from making purposely mean comparisons between this show and say… Sy-Fy’s Destination Truth which often takes its adventurers on boat trips looking for magical creatures and mythical beasts only spoken about in whispers and hush tones. The name of the boat in The River is the Magus which for those less scholarly is Latin for, you guessed it Magical but potential viewers of the show should concern themselves with another Latin word to describe this show hospitalitatem, which it just might turn out to be. (What does that word mean, that’s a mystery). 

Please Kill ‘Terra Nova’ and Use It’s Budget to Keep ‘Fringe’

Let’s face it everyone was excited to here that a Jurassic Park sort of show was going to be coming out back when Terra Nova was first announced. The premise sounded great: the Earth is dying and humanities only hope is to go back in time to restart civilization in an ancient and alien land. Cool! But what we got was not so… cool.

Instead of having an entertaining science fiction series about a new civilization fending off giant dinosaurs we got a family drama set on what looks like a low rent Hawaiian resort. Despite the fact that it had a lot of potential it doesn’t mean that the network it airs on (FOX) should give up on another one of its science fiction shows, namely Fringe.

You see Fringe has not been doing so great, rating wise, since it was moved from Thursday to Friday nights; better known to most TV watchers as the Death Slot. Most people have things they would rather be doing on Friday nights rather than watching the TV. And as a result, Fringe is mostly watched by people who set their digital recorder in order to snag it for viewing at a later date. That’s assuming they even remember it is on. Even on its worst day Fringe is far superior to Terra Nova.  Which begs the question why wouldn’t Fox executives just move Fringe to Terra Nova’s Monday night slot and use the money they would have spent on Terra Nova to improve upon Fringe?

After watching what Fox’s moves have been over the past decade or some when it comes to its programming one thing becomes apparent. They think it’s easier to lure viewers to shiny new (probably terrible) shows than it is to draw viewers back to an existing series that has lost its appeal but is still of high quality. Most highly advertised pilots do get a few weeks of high ratings even if the show is obviously a Lost clone/wannabe that is going nowhere fast. Does that sound familiar (cough)… Terra Nova.  

Fat Mac is the Best Thing to Happen To It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia In A Long While

If you haven't been following It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia since the start of their latest season you are missing out on some very funny shit. This season the gang has been going on road trips, creating sadistic board games and even putting on a pervert riddled kid pageant. All of these activities have allowed this season to be one of the shows best in years, but by far the best source of comedy to come out of Season 7 is Fat Mac.

The actor who plays the vain and Fat Mac, Rob McElhenney thought it would be funny if he put on an unhealthy amount of weight for the seventh season of the now long running FX comedy series. He was right. Seeing Fat Mac walking around with a garbage bag full of lukewarm chimichangas, insisting that he is "cultivating mass" as a part of some kind of fitness regiment  is just the start of the Fat Ass jokes. People who love to make fun of delusional friends that insist their size is due to some sort of "big boned-ness" or a husky musculature when in fact they are just fat fuckers who eat too much, they are in for a treat. You have to give it up for McElhenney he is a real champ for putting that amount of weight on just so he can be made fun of.

Summer TV Seasons 2011 | What To Watch Over The Summer Months

It used to be that during the summer months the only thing on television was reruns and an unpleasant amount of movies that were made over two decades ago. This is no longer the case. With the advent of Netfix and other similar services you can have access to an almost unlimited number of TV episodes. As well, summer television has started turning out original programming to make up for the TV withdraw inducing summer months.  This is list of viewing suggestions for those among us who just can’t stand the warm summer sun touching their skin.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

If you didn’t already know, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is about a supernaturally endowed teenager. With her gang aka the scoobies Buffy battles her way through a variety monsters. Buffy the Vampire Slayer has what you need in terms of simple viewing pleasure. Whether it be a fight to the death or hanging out at the cafeteria table, there remains the lovability of the characters and the playful and witty dialogue they all engage in at every turn.

Firefly

Firefly was Joss Whedon’s passion project which was cancelled before it’s time and, some would say, made him die inside, ruining him for Dollhouse. All the elements that Whedon excels at are seen here, a decent story, character driven, and witty dialogue, which is missing in most shows today. 

Terriers

Enjoy one of the most underappreciated shows to be cancelled after one season. This modern detective story follows a pair of unlicensed private eyes; ex-cop Hank and ex-thief Britt. The series was well crafted with strong characters and dialogue with wit and style distinctive to the show.  It is a god damn shame that it was cancelled, however if you are one of the many people not to watch it when it aired this summer is the time.

Lights out

This rocky-esque series follows a retired boxing champ struggling to earn money to support his family’s high class lifestyle after earnings are lost to bad investments and mooching family. Although the fight choreography was terrible (70s Rocky style, fake punch noises, and blows that clearly do not make contact), the series made its mark supported by a rich story and characters. Lights Leary has a dysfunctional relationship with his family that rivals that of Rescue Me’s Tommy Gavin. It’s exploration of the underbelly of professional boxing satisfy. It just happens to be another exceptional FX series dropped after its first season. Just like Terriers.  (FX=FU)

Peep Show

Don’t let title mislead you this in not a show for pedos. It refers to camera style of the show. Every shot is from the perspective of one of the characters. This UK series has been running for several years and every single episode is hilarious. The main draw is the inner monologue of the two main characters who are terrible people in the funniest way, like how Mark has a secret respect for Nazi mentality and how Jeremy is generally a whoring freeloader. It has the awkward humour of the office, but a bit more outrageous, and because it’s a UK series it has that British swearing that makes everything better. 

Louie

Louie C.K stars, writes and produces this manifestation of his demented sense of humour. He plays an unsuccessful version of himself. Expect gratuitous humour that goes too far and yet he pulls it off against all reason. Maybe he’s a witch.

Archer

Some archer quotes to intrigue you: Duchess von finger bang, Gator, Burt Reynolds. Enough Said.

The League

The premise of this show doesn’t sound very funny but the league and the men (and secretly some of their wives) who constitute it make it funny. None of the actors are exactly well known but that is all part of the charm to this basically unknown show. Don’t miss season two’s Rafi who just loves doing cocaine and shitting out booze. What is shitting out booze pre tell, well you will just have to watch to find out.

Party Down

After being cancelled Party Down can be grouped together with some of those other great comedies that were prematurely ended such as Arrested Development and Futurama. The show is about a catering service crew who work in Hollywood, most of the people who work for the service are failed or aspiring actors. Pathetic as it may sound the interactions these caterers have with their clientele and each other are so funny you just might piss your pants. The show could not find an audience but that should not stop people from watching this very funny show. Just a note if you are starting from the first season there is one very important phrase you need to know, SUPER CRACCKERS.

FX Networks Loves to Piss on It’s Best New Dramas Like Terriers & Lights Out

The FX Networks produced two of the best new dramas for 2010/2011 season thus far, namely, Terriers and Lights Out. Both shows came out weak in the ratings department and now both have been canceled. The real loss here stems from the fact that Terriers and Lights Out never really had a chance since FX couldn’t seem to get across to viewers what either show was about or that it was even on in the first place. This is a shame because these shows had more substance and originality than most dramas on NBC or CBS combined. So why does FX not know how to market and hold on to viewers for these shows? The simple answer might be that viewers are just so used to crap on television that when they start watching an episode of Lights Out they just expect it to have a faster pace or spill more blood. Or it could be that the cast of both series was just not well known enough and they didn’t have much of a fan base so they could not use ‘star power’ to boost ratings. And the final option, which makes more sense to me, is that the FX Network loves to make great new television series just so they can take a massive piss all over them and alienate the show’s fans to such a point that they no longer are even willing to watch a new series on their network. Fans should look out for the Fall 2011 season on FX, because there is going to be one great show that will come out and no one will watch it but you and a handful of others and FOX FX will cancel it.    

Michael Chiklis and Conan O'Brian Team Up For "Vince Uncensored"!

Current star of "No Ordinary Family" Michael Chiklis has signed on to a new series which is being co-produced by Conan O'Brian and Warner Brothers. The new show will follow a guy during a mid-life crisis, that guy being Chiklis. Hopefully, they will let the former captain of bassassery (we are talking of course about Chiklis's role on the The Shield) bear his teeth once again as a shit talking piss pot in a Vic Mackey centric character. All this might mean that that the former “The Shield” actor’s current series “No Ordinary Family” will not be seeing a second season. “No Ordinary Family” is a family friendly show, with easy to digest storylines for people who like uncomplicated shows that you can relax while watching. It began its run in fall of 2010 with a simple enough premise: after a plane crash in a remote body of water, the entire Powell family is endowed with superhuman powers.  For some fans of Michael Chiklis, seeing him in the role of Jim Powell would have made them cry: no Vic Mackey, you are not allowed to be in this show! During the first few episodes of “No Ordinary Family” when the Powell’s were just discovering their powers, Jim Powell realizes that he has super strength.  The imagination of any “The Shield” fan would have created a scenario where Jim Powell starts to Vic-Mackey-it-up using his new abilities to strong arm enemies and pitilessly tear criminals in half with his bear hands. But that was not the audience “No Ordinary Family” was hoping to attract.  Although the show was fun for the whole family to watch, it never exactly captured peoples imagination like the first season of “Heroes” did for so many television viewers. The fate of “No Ordinary Family” is still unknown, but its recent ratings dip may indicate cancelation in its near future.   But No Ordinary Family sucked, so no loss there. 

A&E’s “Breakout Kings” Is Mindless Fun

The new A&E drama that will be premiering on March 5^th centers on the adventures of criminals who are gifted when it comes to escaping incarceration. These criminals have been A-Teamed up with U.S. Marshals to help capture escaped prisoners in turn each of their helpers is given a small reduction on his or her sentence. The whole idea that U.S. Marshals would allow prisoners, who have a penchant for fleeing from the law to leave a prison in order to fight crime only to return to their cells by the end of each case is… ludicrous.  

During the pilot for the series the entire arrangement is explained as a mutually beneficial relationship between law and outlaw. It follows an escaped killer who is on a mission of revenge and how the newly formed team struggles with working with each other. The second episode of the season has to do with a sex offender, who is really not as rapy as everyone thinks.  Both episodes are entertaining in a turn-your-brain-off kind of way. 

Some of the prisoners who are part of this taskforce are familiar. Some of the prisoners who are part of this taskforce are familiar. You may recognize the actress Serinda Swan as the beauty queen turned con artist/murderer Erica. She has a reoccurring role on the CW’s Smallville as the scantly clad Zatanna Zatara whose magical powers pale in comparison to her ability to sport fishnet stockings.

Then there is Domenick Lombardozzi who plays Ray. Lombardozzi played Herc, one of the not so pristine police officers on HBO’s The Wire. In Breakout Kings the only difference between Herc and Ray is that Ray was caught for all of his crimes.

The last familiar face in the cast is Jimmi Simpson, who plays Lloyd the momma’s boy with a degree in psychology, in the show. Simpson also has a reoccurring role on FX’s It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia as one of the milk guzzling, incestuous McPoyle brothers.   

If you didn’t already know Breakout Kings is a spin off of Prison Break, a show which turned absolutely ridiculous by the end of its run. But it was responsible for creating one of the creepiest TV characters of all time, namely T-Bag. T-Bag, the inside out pant pocket cowboy will be making a few appearances on Breakout Kings, so that might be worth a watch. Breakout Kings is however is more direct about where it is going. This show will not have much in terms of a story arc and will rely more on the case by case, episode by episode strategy.

Breakout Kings will premiere Saturday March 5^th on the A&E Channel.